GRANDMA, TAKE ME HOME.

*

You know how you can hear a certain song a hundred times, perhaps enjoy it, perhaps be totally indifferent to it, and it doesn't make that much of an impression on you? And then all of a sudden it kind of hits you how great it is?

In part, I think it has something to do with maturing. But I certainly feel like kind of a doltfor suddenly realizing, Hey! Nirvana was a really great band!

I mean, I always enjoyed Nirvana's music. I still remember the day Kurt Cobain committed suicide, because it was a big deal on the news. However, I had no idea who he was at the time. I discovered alternative music several years after the rest of the world, in 8th grade, when I felt peer pressure to listen to music beyond the soundtrack to the most recent Disney animated picture. (Hey, The Lion King soundtrack was kinda cool when I was 5th grade! It wasn't until I purchased the Hercules CD that something felt off.) Seattle has a pretty awesome - dare I say the definitive? - alternative radio station, 107.7 The End. You can bet I heard a lot of Nirvana as I listened primarily to that station throughout the rest of my teenage years.

In fact, you could say that on The End I heard exactly as much Nirvana as I desired, no more and no less. Nirvana was a band whose music I always enjoyed hearing when it came on and never desired to hear when it didn't. I could comfortably sing or hum along with their biggest hits and I'm sure at times I kind of rocked out to them and seriously enjoyed it. But I never felt an urge to buy a Nirvana album, not even just to look cool. They were never quite that kind of band for me.

'Til now! I don't know what happened. I still hear plenty of Nirvana on KROQ, so it's not like I rediscovered them after a long absence. It may have been the prominent role "Come As You Are" plays in my recent Netflix rental Definitely Maybe. But all of a sudden, when Nirvana does come on KROQ now, I am like, "Yeeeeah Nirvana!" Like, I always knew they were good, but now it's more of a feeling than pure and simple knowledge. It just hit me. It's just about the dorkiest revelation an alternative music fan who grew up in Seattle in the 90's could possibly have. For some reason, that both strikes me as really strange and also highly amusing. Kind of like I just figured out something that I have secretly known for the last 14 years. Has this ever happened to you? I know it's happened to me on a smaller and less entertaining scale, with individual songs if not entire bands, especially bands that were so prolific and influential during my formative years (and ever since). Maybe next I'll actually start liking the Beatles (yeah, I know, but I'm mostly indifferent to them with the exception of a few songs).

So I'm 14 years late, but the urge to hear Nirvana's music collectively in album format finally hit me. I didn't plan it this way, but I ordered my very first Nirvana CD and it arrived today, on the very day I flew into Seattle. I am now enjoying it immensely, like listening to an old favorite that was never quite my favorite. It's the perfect soundtrack for right now. It was a great time to get out of LA for me - I love the place, but at times, certain aspects of it just become poison. The only remedy is to escape.

Tiffany, my PNW partner-in-crime, is in Chile this year, which diminishes all my usual plans. As of right now, I have almost nothing planned. (Fitting. The same is true of my life in general.) I've been looking forward to the break to get back to my roots, so to speak. My essence. I'm kinda fine being on my own here without much to do for the time being. I've lost my perspective lately. I haven't quite been myself, or anyone in particular. I've been alright, but I don't love where I've been lately. So it's nice to be elsewhere.

Sometimes I see things really crystal clear here.

I'm looking forward to clarity.


Grandma, take me home
I want to be alone.