IN RESPONSE

I made a blog a long time ago, and then never posted on it. I've had others, most notably LiveJournal, that I still write on, so I'm not sure why I would need another, what the difference would be, but here it is. This one is meant to be a more casual and random blog for the public eye.

Anyway, below is a comment I posted to Tiffany, but I decided I'd like to keep it somewhere, so here it is:

I see memories with different shades of colors too, which I always thought of as an extension of my filmmaking skills, because when I imagine certain films of mine, they have different color and lighting schemes. It's interesting the way we end up remembering things, and how hazy and dream-like even things that really happened are. We often lose the context of what was happening at the time and remember mostly the emotions and a few physical details. In a way I wish there was, say, footage of all these moments, but then again I think it would be terrifying to see what was actually going on, versus what we have been telling ourselves it was like. On an only somewhat-related note, my computer saves IM conversations so I can read things I have forgotten I talked about with people 5 years ago. It's eerie because IM's sound so robotic and emotionless, you read words you've written and it's like, "Really? Was I really so cold and arrogant?" But since these are just words with no attachment to physical details, I guess it can't be judged.

When I was little - I may have even told you this before - I had heard that the universe goes on forever, and I simply refused to believe it. I could not comprehend forever. It scared the shit out of me. I just let myself think that everyone else was wrong, because of course the universe MUST end. Everything must come to a logical conclusion, somehow, somewhere. Yet I remember this puzzle keeping me up at night, and my parents would have to come in and talk to me to calm down my wondering mind. Then one of these nights, my beastly father said, "Well if the universe ends, then what's on the other side?" And that question blew my mind and seriously upset me, because I realized that of course he was right. "Nothing" can't exist, because even nothing would have to be something. But how can there be a limitless forever? How is that possible? By human understanding, it simply isn't possible, and yet it's opposite isn't possible either, so there is just a whole lot of impossible out there whether we like it or not. It made me cry at the time...I still don't like to think about it.